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Steer Clear of Neighbor Terrified of Dogs

Question: I live with a calm, well-behaved beagle in a high rise building that permits dogs. The woman directly across the hallway from me is terrified of dogs. Read the rest of this entry »

High School Hussy Hit on her Hubby

Question: I invited an out of town friend from high school who had business here to stay at my house rather than at a hotel. She and my husband, who’d never met, really hit it off. Read the rest of this entry »

Feeling Better can be as Easy as A-B-C

Like many people, I’ve been negatively impacted by the economic downturn. My income is less than half of what it was three years ago, and there are times when I worry pretty darn seriously about my future. Read the rest of this entry »

Preying Neighbors Don’t Have a Prayer

Question: Our neighbors are extremely involved in their church. It seems that most of their social activities revolve around it. We couldn’t care less how they spend their time, but they appear to care how we spend ours. They seem to “run into” my husband and me every time we work in our yard, and they use that opportunity to tell us that we need to visit their church. Every time there’s a church activity they leave a flyer on our door or a message on our answering machine. We’ve never encouraged them in any way and have told them that we have our own church. However, these folks just won’t give up. We don’t want to be rude, but these invitations are starting to feel like harassment. How can we get this to stop without hurting their feelings?

 Answer: Their passion and commitment are admirable, but it’s doubtful they have sensitive feelings. If they did, they would’ve gotten the message by now. All you can do is be extremely direct with them. Say something like, “Mike, we appreciate the invitations, but we’re not interested in going and are not going to be interested. When we see each other, let’s talk about other things. You could better spend your energy and efforts talking to people who are going to be more receptive than we are.” If/when they try again, interrupt them with a reminder of your lack of interest and change the subject. Beyond that, all you can do is avoid them. Don’t make eye contact, turn your back, go inside, and pray they get the message.

Don’t Cover Up Feelings about Offensive Rug

Question: My mother-in-law recently bought us a huge throw rug for our entryway which I simply cannot stand. It’s not my taste or style, and it clashes with the rest of the décor. She lives locally, so it’s not something I can put away and only bring out when she visits. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but every time I look at that monstrosity I feel sick to my stomach. I want to get that rug out of my house but still maintain a good relationship with her. She’s very sensitive and becomes easily upset. How can I handle this situation?

 Answer:  There’s no easy solution, but there are ways that are more tactful than others. I always advocate directly Read the rest of this entry »

Neighbor snubbing my child for no good reason

Question:  My nine-year-old daughter “Blair” used to play with the little girl across the street. The other day Blair went to their door and was told by the mother that she couldn’t play with her daughter anymore.  Blair asked why, and the woman said, “You know why,” and slammed the door. Blair came home in tears and says she has no idea what’s wrong. Now whenever Blair sees the mother or daughter they won’t speak to her. We’re completely in the dark. I called my neighbor to ask if Blair had done something wrong, and she hung up on me! I’ve asked a couple people in the neighborhood if they know what the problem could be. They don’t. If Blair did something she shouldn’t have, I’d like an opportunity to correct it. If she didn’t, Blair deserves an explanation. What should I do?

 Answer:  This woman’s behavior sounds very strange indeed. I suggest you confront her in person, perhaps in the Read the rest of this entry »

Husband is wary of lonely widower's attention to his wife

Question:  My wife and I were close friends with “Mack and Martha,” who lived down the street from us for years. Last year Martha died of cancer, and since then Mack has seemed like a lost soul. He comes to our house frequently now, often while I’m at the office. I trust my wife and I trust Mack, but I’ve started feeling uncomfortable about these visits taking place in my absence. I’ve never been the jealous type, have seen no signs that anything improper is going on and am not proud of myself for having these feelings.  Should I just ignore the situation, say nothing and keep our friendship intact? I’m afraid if I say something, it will be become awkward around Mack and make my wife think I don’t trust her.

 If  jealousy hasn’t been an issue in your marriage until now, it might be a good idea to heed your gut. People seldom Read the rest of this entry »

Gate code blabber robs resident of sense of security

Question:  My neighbor is doing something that angers me and makes me feel unsafe. I live in a gated community which requires a gate code for someone to enter if the resident isn’t home to activate the gate from their phone. My neighbor thinks nothing of giving the code to all his friends, some of whom use it to regularly work out at our fitness center. I know he’s doing this because he suggested I do it, too. All residents in the development pay for the upkeep of the recreation area, and it should be for our exclusive use, except for the occasional guest. It shouldn’t be a fitness facility for outsiders too cheap to buy a gym membership. Furthermore, how do I know that none of these outsiders are criminals? I bought in a gated community for the extra security, but my sense of security is being undermined by this bozo.

 Answer: This is indeed a situation that needs to be addressed. It is a blatant abuse of the gate code that affects Read the rest of this entry »

Vengeful mom makes turning 50 no reason to celebrate

Question: I’m turning 50 soon and throwing myself a big birthday party at my home. I’m inviting my daughter but not my son “Darren.” Why? Because my daughter took my side when I divorced her father five years ago after tiring of his infidelities, and she’s chosen to have nothing to do with him. Darren, on the other hand, wanted to stay “neutral,” and has maintained a relationship with that slime ball ex of mine. I heard through the grapevine that Darren wants to attend, but he’s going to have to do some major apologizing and get his priorities straight before he’s ever welcome in my home again. Don’t you think under the circumstances I’m justified in my decision?

 Answer: Uhhhh, no. I think your decision is horrifying, and the one who needs to get priorities straight is YOU. Read the rest of this entry »